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50 Jokes about Israel and Funny Israeli Puns

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If you are looking for the best Israel puns and funny Israeli jokes, well you are in the right place. Whether you are looking for inspiration for an upcoming trip to Israel, or maybe you have just visited Israel and want some funny jokes for your Instagram captions, well you will find them below!

jokes about israel puns

20 Best Israel Puns and Funny Jokes

What is the best way to defend yourself in Israel?
Jew-jitsu.
There was an American senator that was sent to Israel to examine its government.
Once he returned, he said, "I didn't like their politics, but their army Israeli nice."
What did the chemist think of Israel?
He believed in a two state solution.

How do you know when an orange comes from Israel? When it’s tangy and Hasidic.

Dave and Joe are browsing a Jerusalem dating site.
Dave sees the girl of his dreams and asks Joe, “I can’t believe my eyes, is this girl real?"
Joe pats his buddy Dave on the back, “Yea bud, she Isreal.

My friend thought that Jerusalem was imaginary. I had to tell him that Israel

In a Jerusalem restaurant, a waitress asks a customer, “How’s everything tasting?” And the customer answers… “Isreali good, thank you.”

My friend started a java joint run by himself in Tel Aviv… It’s called HeBrews Coffee!

What is Israel’s #1 Internet search provider? NetanYAHOO

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Israeli.
Israeli, who?
Israeli hot out here; open the door!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Israel.
Israel who?
Israel nice to meet you!

A car hit an Israeli man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “Eh, I make a good living.”

El Al Security Woman: “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”   
Shloimey: “Listen, if it was without my knowledge, how should I know?”

When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. -George Burns

Related: 20 Funny Dead Sea Puns

Jerusalem - Dome of the Rock
Dome stop believing.

Israel Puns for Travel Captions

Just fall-ing in love with this city (perfect for any autumn travel)

I love this place a ge-lot-o

Beach you to it! (for your time at the many beaches in Israel)

Dome stop believing.

It’s impossible to ruin this view!

Hoping souvenir shopping at this market will spice up the kitchen!

Another sun bites the dust.

We don’t have a set itinerary, we are just going to wing it.

We Audi here!

Keep palm and carry on

Girls just wanna have sun!

I need vitamin sea!

Did you hear about the couple getting ready for a day in the desert? They were dunesday preppers!

What did the camel say to the Oasis? I’ll never desert you

What does a camel use to hide itself? “Camel”flauge

READ MORE CAMEL PUNS HERE

IF YOU ARE ENJOYING THESE ISRAEL PUNS, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER PAGES:

Best Dead Sea Puns

Best Camel Puns for Instagram Captions

101 Quotes about the Desert

Best Dubai Puns

Quotes about Egypt Instagram Captions

FOR PLANNING YOUR TRAVEL INSTAGRAM SHOTS, CHECK OUT THESE:

Best Photo Spots in Jerusalem

Best Photo Spots in Amman, Jordan

Best Photo Spots in Jordan

More Travel Planning Resources:

Want to know whether to visit Israel in the spring or fall? Is it too hot in the summer months in Israel? This post on the best time to visit Israel will answer all of your questions.

Read about the best beaches in Israel.

Make sure you are prepared with an adapter plug for Israel

If shopping is on your list, do not miss this post on the best souvenirs from Israel. If you plan to visit the West Bank, I have a post on souvenirs from Palestine as well.

I highly suggest travel insurance and a good policy. I personally never travel without it, and I even checked into my policy about care for my children if I am ever in an accident or hospitalized. There are just too many things to think about. You can find out more information and buy your travel insurance here.

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